I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
