since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
