I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
