i already hear my dad disowning me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
