Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
