Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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