My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
