She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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