You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everclear isn't food dammit
How naked do you want me to be?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
