he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
