I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
