she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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