So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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