Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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