You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
