Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
