I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
