I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
