Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
