I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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