dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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