So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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