my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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