Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
