Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
