I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
