I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
