I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
