How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
