Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
