I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
