Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
