i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
