its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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