I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
