My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
