Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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