I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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