I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize