guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
