Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
