i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
