You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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