as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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