I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
