Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
