Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
