Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
