Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
