Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
