God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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