we made out on top of his cat.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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