Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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