Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
