I'm gonna have a badass scar
someone threw a dead crab at me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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