it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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