he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
