His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We were destined to go to rehab together
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
