The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
