got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
