5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
