Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
