The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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