Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
