Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
