i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
