I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
