We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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