is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
