In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize