doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
