Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
