no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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