man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
